How much???/!!!!!!!!!

I haven't been up to much lately, other than the norm'. Shabbat on Fridays, work in the week blah blah, and not many thoughts worth putting down on paper (oh yeah, other than my sister has separated from her 2nd husband in as many years! - but thats not for here.)
To make some cash, I finally got my act together to sell my old cd collection. I pulled out a few random cdsingles and some from my Madonna collection, and popped them on eBay.
People are mad!!!!!!!! The Corrs cd's sold on average for £15 each, except for 1, which went for.... £72.01!!!! Hello! It wasn't even a limited edition!
But it goes to prove, something is only worth what someone is willing to pay for it at the time! And I can assure you, I won't miss it that much. £72 will heal the wound! ha ha.
As for the Madonna cd's - well they have a few days left to go, but on average are about £20 each already.
Spent the day in Frome today - the gang trying on costumes for Purim this Thursday, a fancy dress party at the Kabbalah Centre. Trying on dirty ole wigs is NOT my idea of fun, and in the end, we went for a set - The Wizard of Oz which we'll just get off the web.
It's gonna be a great night (I hope), one in which we are expected to get drunk so that the 'satan' cannot get to our rational mind, as the rational mind is not reachable whilst drunk! ok - if I have too...

"Time"

So here I am again... it's Friday again and I'm preparing for Shabbat this evening. It’s funny what we use to recognise 'time'. In my old house, it was always 'its Wednesday again, better put the bins out'. Then when I started studying Kabbalah, it was 'Monday already, my course tonight'.
Now, it's 'Friday already – Shabbat again!'
Life is going so quickly, I feel like I'm missing out on so much. Even though I have a good life, I know I am not leading / living it as I should be. I am not proactively going out there and living life to it’s fullest. And in the eyes of the Light, that’s not a good thing. It’s not enough to just be a good person; you must achieve everything you are here to achieve!
So, this week I have written my CV – especially for film companies. That’s the industry I want to work in, and I haven’t ever put myself forward for it; fear and insecurities have stopped me until now. Fear is mans worst enemy, it stops us from doing everything. It’s so important to recognise that, overcome it and use it. The rewards will be greater. Comes back to if something is easy to get / have, then you won’t respect it as much as if you’d worked hard for it.

I’ve got the afternoon off today as I’m going to London with ‘the guys’ to start looking for a home for them. That’s another reason to move, I want to be close to them and the kids. And if I lived in London, I would be more involved at the Centre; well to be honest, there are so many things I would be able to do that I simply can’t here in Swindon.

Just read a great joke which I’ll share here:
“A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.""F*** off!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she proceeded to close the door.Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse sh*t all over her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse sh*t from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a f***ing good appetite, because The electricity was cut off this morning."
I digress… the point I was trying to make was that life is so fast, and the older you get, the quicker it seems to move. It’s so important to follow your dreams, to live life to its utmost and overcome fear. My time is coming; I am getting stronger and more proactive. 20 years late, but better late than never…

Life's a mixed bag sometimes

What a weekend, from one spectrum of life to the opposite; I love that about life. Actually the truth is, I am learning to love that about life. Learning to appreciate life is so important and either comes with age or knowledge - or both! I can't really say I've done that in the past. I've always had fun, but after that wold always come the downer, and if I'm honest with myself, I've never really been happy 'with' myself! Balance is something I am trying to get used to, and for a person who swings like a pendulum, it's not easy. But life shouldn't be easy. If it is, then yuo will have no appreciation of what it took or takes to receive.

"I want the good life
But I don't want an easy ride
What I want is to work for it
Feel the blood and sweat on my fingertips
That's what I want for me"
~Madonna, 2003

Friday night was spent with my buddies at Shabbat at the Kabbalah Centre in London. 2 hours of spiritual connection - no matter what mood I go in with, I always leave with my spirits lifted. I was short on cash, so I didn't feast, which is hard when you really want to stay, but it makes me appreciate the next time I eat there.
Saturday, well, I was knackered by this time, as Thursday and Friday were late night, but I didn't get the lay in I enjoy. I was feeling 'perky' so I got up early and headed off to town to get some air. Later that afternoon, I went to the fair with the the kids (not mine - my best mates) which was their first 'proper' time. The older one (5) loved it, after the initial shock of a so called family ride that travelled beyond the speed of sound, whilst the younger (3) remained slightly stunned by the G-force that he had been exposed to. Still, they had a great time and its so magical watching a child be 'amazed' at everything.
I finished the day in Bristol at a club - boring; I would rather have spent a night at home in front of the '24' which i am addicted to at the moment. Still, it was a full day which I love.
Sunday was Mothers day, so I headed off to the parents for a day of stress and irritation. Its hard spending time with them sometimes; one nags the other, the other moans blah blah. But you know, the irritation comes when you recognise some of those traits within yourself. You don't liek it in you, so it annoys you about others. I recognise that now; 'Mirroring'. It's life changing when you do, it really helps you to start to transform your nature into that of an understanding, proactive and not reactive being.
The evening finished off with a wonderful meal at our best friends, (by our I mean David-my ex and close friend) as we probed our Kabbalah teacher for information, information, information! He had come to 'cleanse' the house of entities, and no doubt is always aware that his mind will be pillaged for details by knowledge hungry friends.
So, the weekend was a mixed bag - but it finished as it started, with a spiritual reminder. Perhaps that's how they should all be? At any rate, it was a full and interesting, as it should be.

Heart wrenching and humbling

What an interesting evening I had last night. My friends and I went to a a charity ball in aid of 'Starlight'; a wonderful charity thats helps dying children fulfill life long wishes. Superficially, I was excited to be sat next to Emma Samms (Fallon Carrington!) of whom I was a big fan in the 80's. She was very nice and a warm, caring woman, who co-founded the charity, inspired by the death of her brother when he was 8 years old.
The evening was wonderful; so much effort had been put in, and so much money raised. A highlight of the evening, was when a 15 year old girl who suffers from Cystic Fibrosis performed for us live, with her special guest, Will Young.
I was inspired by this charity, and I have decided I will look into how I can volunteer them in some capacity. To be able to help grant the wish of a dying child, in turn often prolonging their all too short loves, is a priviledge.

Life's little tests

Each day new tests present themselves to each one of us; and we all have a choice to make. Do we ignore them and fail, therefore allowing them to reappear again and again? Or... do we learn from them and transform our actions in the future.

A little (and silly) example of this is something I experienced today.
I was swimming at the gym on one side of the pool, along with another person. The other side of the pool was empty. A woman and her 10year old (ish) daughter get in and swim in front of us, and against us. I didn't complain (out loud anyway) and carried on. As time went by, I noticed she was winging at me, so I asked her what was wrong. "You're f*cking splashing me" she shouted, stopping all the conversations in the pool dead. "Sorry, but it is a pool" I replied. The conversation went downhill from there., leaving me to point out that she deliberately swam in front of me when the other half of the pool was empty. She just carried on shouting saying how pathetic I was for splashing, blah blah. (I am a fast swimmer, and the splash was from the kicking!) You may ask why i didn't just swim on the other side! Its shorter, I'm a fast swimmer, she was a beginner.

A while ago, I would have been more verbally aggressive and told her what to do, but I allowed her her rant but still pointed out the facts calmly. Though... I did tell her daughter not to learn from her mummy as she wasn't very polite (as the mother is flippin' me the bird).

A good way of overcoming this behaviour, is to try and understand where the other person is coming from. Had she had a bad day? Does she not like getting her hair wet etc? It turns out she has only been swimming for a couple of months, and whilst that doesn't excuse her actions, it does explain some of her attitude. She pointed out that she will sit back and laugh at me... why? Because I splash when I swim? The truth was, she was transferring her embarrassment. So I did learn from this silly situation.

So, did I let myself down? A little I think... I could have said nothing and completely ignored her, or even splashed less, but I still think it's important to tell speak your mind, but in a thoughtful manner. We'll see, I certainly handle these situations a lot better now than I used to.